The black christian single guide to dating and sexuality
And if we fail at following these set ideals, does that mean we’ll never meet someone? Many Christian books fall back on an overly simplistic answer to these complicated questions: we should just treat all people like brothers or sisters until marriage.
But how can you treat someone like a sibling when you desire them romantically? After all, a relationship with a brother or sister has entirely different boundaries than a romantic relationship—especially when it comes to the physical.
The advice to simply “treat others like siblings” can also easily become an excuse to exclude and isolate others when we struggle to see them that way.
A theology of singleness that allows for fear or ignorance of sexual attraction leads to sexual repression and unhealthy, anxious male-female relationships in the church.
It was a gift from my sister, who knew this was an area of my life I had yet to explore through the lens of my new-found faith.
I consumed the books with my usual zeal and sincerity.
There’s also very few resources out there for egalitarian singles. More often than not, the black and white, picture-perfect tone of these books leaves the reader with more questions than when they began.
For example, many of these books assume that sexual attraction is the “burden” of men and not something women struggle with.What’s a healthy view of sexual desire that acknowledges attraction and also doesn’t unfairly penalize or sexualize women? Am I really guaranteed to meet someone if I get all of this right?What if I just want to get the most out of my singleness and not marry at all?Or, many of these books assume that men will lead a dating relationship and women will follow.Others encourage men and women to avoid and fear each other to avoid “stumbling.” And so, over the past couple of years, I’ve been in the process of unlearning impossible standards surrounding gender roles, romantic attraction, sexual desire, and healthy relationships.